The world is overflowing with amazingly useless life hacks: from cutting cake with floss, to microwaving your spoon for 30 seconds so you can scrape out frozen ice cream (for real).
So on that note – here’s another 21 useless life hacks that you may just in fact use. Or not. Whatever.
1. WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night of red wine?! Then neck a bottle of white wine before going to bed, to remove the stains.
2. If you see someone choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and hey presto! Blockage is gone.
3. RAPPERS: Avoid having to say – “Know what I’m sayin'” all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.
4. SHOES last twice as long if only worn half as often.
5. SINGLE MEN: Convince people you have a girlfriend by standing outside FOREVER 21 with bags of shopping, whilst checking your watch impatiently.
6. YOUNG mothers: Calm hysterical children by firmly slapping their legs.
7. HORSE whisperers: Speak louder. The animals will hear you more clearly, thus speeding up training times.
8. DON’T waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to “switch tracks”, simply hum a different song.
9. BANGING two pistachio nut shells together will give the impression a very small horse is approaching.
10. Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them – while you chop away.
11. AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to ‘fast wipe’ whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
12. SHOPPERS. When buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them before taking them to the counter to be weighed.
13. DETER ORGAN thieves from stealing your innards by swallowing several mousetraps minutes before your death.
14. HOUSEWIVES. Wean your husbands onto raw eggs without them realising by removing the sand from your egg timer one grain at a time.
15. DAYTIME TV viewers. Want to win those phone-in prizes? Follow this easy guide to answering multiple choice questions: (a) is the answer, (b) rhymes with the answer and (c) is in no way the answer.
16. BARMAIDS. Pour all my friends’ beers first, and THEN my Guinness, to ensure half my night is spent at the bar.
17. ANARCHISTS. When smashing the state, take care not to burn down your social security office.
18. WOULD-BE criminals. Before you commit a crime, get a foretaste of what the world would look like from inside a prison by holding a fork up close to your eye.
19. MEN. MAKE women think you are a good lover by cutting scratches in your back, before walking shirtless along the beach.
20. JOURNALISTS for local TV stations. Fool viewers into thinking you have been sent abroad by waiting a few seconds before answering questions the presenter asks you. Source: giphy.com
21. SAVE TIME by only ever watching one Bruce Willis movie. Source: giphy.com